Bigfoot Captured

A group of Bigfoot hunters at ‘Searching for Bigfoot Inc.’ claim to have discovered the real Bigfoot.  The men will be releasing DNA evidence and a photo this Friday.

The alleged body of Bigfoot was found in a northern Georgia forest.  The group, included a Bigfoot documentary film maker and two Bigfoot trackers.  That makes me suspicious, because I expect Bigfoot to be found randomly by one of several million hikers.  When the three people in the world who would profit off such a thing are the coincidental disoverers, I get suspicious.

By the way, you might realize that ‘discoverers’ is not a word, but Bigfoot isn’t real, so it’s all good.

To further capitalize on their ‘discovery’, they have given Bigfoot a new name. The press release reads, “The body that is currently being studied is being referred to as the RICKMAT creature, a name derived from the names of Rick Dyer and Matthew Whitton.”

Wasn’t it just yesterday that the legendary Chupacabre was caught on camera and hunted?  Oh yes, it WAS yesterday.  Are all of these coincidences related? 

Personally, I hope that both the Chupacabre and Bigfoot news are related.  I hope they are part of an intricate marketing plan.  If so, people around the world will feel scammed and upset.  But I wouldn’t.  I’d be happy as hell because I like publicity stunts more than dog like creatures and mythical furry men.

According to a Bigfoot press release, the creature:
• Stands 7-feet-7-inches tall.
• Weighs more than 500 pounds.
• Looks part human and part ape-like.
• Is male.
• Has reddish hair and blackish-gray eyes.
• Has two arms and two legs, and five fingers on each hand and five toes on each foot.
• Has flat feet that are similar to human feet.
• Has a footprint that is 16.75 inches long and 5.75 inches wide at the heel.
• Has hands that are 11.75 inches long from the palm to the tip of the middle finger and are 6.25 inches wide.
• Walks upright. (Several of them apparently were seen on the day the body was found.)
• Has teeth that are more human-like than ape-like.
• Has been undergoing DNA testing.

Following the Bigfoot announcement, Scientific American interviewed an anatomy professor named Jeffrey Meldrum, who noted, “I’m extremely skeptical about this bigfoot claim. I haven’t been contacted by any of the principal [people] involved in this. I’ve had interactions with Tom Biscardi [the bigfoot hunter holding the press conference] in the past, and based on that history, I would say that anything he is involved in is suspect. The fact that the two Georgian men [who said they found the body] turned to him and not anyone with scientific credentials is very questionable.”