Canned Thongs

How it Happened:

I was alone at home late one night after one, two or three too many vodka & cranberries. Dog-hungry, I started clambering about the kitchen in search of sustenance but unfortunately, the only thing edible I was able to muster up was a single can of Star-Kist tuna fish. Realizing I was left with no other choice aside from rapid starvation, I reluctantly began to consume the un-mayonnaised tuna straight out of the can when I noticed "it". There was a tiny logo on the side of the can depicting a dolphin leaping out of water with the words "Dolphin Safe" underneath.

After much pondering as to what the "Dolphin Safe" logo could possibly represent, I inebriatedly came to the conclusion that there were no dolphin parts in my now half eaten can of 100% pure tuna fish. Elated with my supposed breakthrough discovery, I started to really savor the suddenly delicious chunky white morsels. Thoroughly satiated, I threw the empty can into the kitchen trash and staggered my way back to the bedroom for a much needed night's slumber.

The Concept:

The next afternoon I arose (unsurprisingly) extremely parched & gingerly proceeded to feel my way back to the kitchen to drink about a gallon & a half of that refreshing elixir known as H2O. As I was rapidly quenching my insatiable thirst, I nausiatingly smelled the discarded tuna can in the kitchen trash, & I suddenly was reminded of my last prom date. That's when the idea hit me like a search warrant. Why don't I create an assurance symbol similar to the "Dolphin Safe'' logo? Instead of a dolphin, I'd use a tuna fish & call it "Tuna Safe". I'd then place the logo on the front of a very nice pair of women's thongs so that the wearer could assure their potential mate that they keep their business clean. The "Tuna Safe" logo would be...your fresh seal!!! YEAHHH!!! Wait a minute...it could also be used as a mood indicator!!! Sweeter yet, I could package the thongs in tin cans that resemble tuna cans & sell them online.

After a Few Cups of Coffee:

I enthusiastically Googled "Dolphin Safe" & fell off my high cloud. As it unfortunately turns out, "Dolphin Safe" actually means that there were no dolphins accidentally killed or injured in the process of catching the tuna. Hmmm...per this definition, my "Tuna Safe" concept didn't seem as clear to me. Now depressed, I fixed myself a late afternoon, bubble bursting, double vodka & cranberry. Things then began to grow clearer once again. So what if my interpretation of the "Dolphin Safe" logo was not 100% accurate or even close? By simply using the idea of the familiar "Dolphin Safe" logo as an assurance symbol, my humorous "Tuna Safe" concept makes complete sense...right? Nevertheless, I was now even more determined to follow through with my remarkably unique & innovative concept.

Knowing I could not successfully implement my concept in an inebriated state, I sadly poured out the rest of my drink & reluctantly put away my bottle of vodka. I had to lay off the booze in order to successfully embark on this vital service I felt I could provide intimate couples the world over. That service would be know as: "Tuna Safe" - Thongs in a Can "Your Fresh Seal & Mood Indicator"!!!